The Rest

In the interest of catching this blog up to present day, here is the rest of our month, in pictures:

The first full day the Bobby was in the NICU the door to our shrink wrap blew off (on our way out to go see him) due to the extreme weather we had.  A quick email to our friends yielded a group effort to replace and install a new door within hours.  Best. Neighbors. Ever.

Scenes from this historic winter.  The water around our boats does not usually freeze this thick.

Jack had his very first bath.  He did not like it very much.  He didn't like the ones that have since followed, either.

My sisters and niece were finally able to come meet our boys.  And due to yet another snow storm with hurricane strength winds predicted, we spent a weekend in CT at my parents house, which doubled as a nice visit with family.  Since I wasn't able to travel after November and missed the major holidays, it was nice.

And when Bobby came home from the hospital, he received his very first bath too.  (They didn't bathe him while he was there!!!  Isn't that ridiculous?!?!)  He didn't love it, but he didn't hate it either.

We attempted to get newborn/family pictures taken on the cheap by using Target's photo studio.  Not only was it a rushed, confused photo shoot, but the girl totally messed them up and didn't listen to a word I said.  These are screenshots of the online gallery.  We didn't pay for anything (not even a sitting fee) because I was so upset.  And we have an appointment this weekend to have more taken at a different studio (that we used for our Christmas photo).  Here's hoping they come out good and the photographer listens!  These outtakes are pretty hilarious to me.

And now, I can focus on real time posts.  Until I fall behind, that is. :)

The NICU

We waited in the ER for 11 hours for a bed to open up in the NICU.  While we waited, Bobby had a series of blood tests done in addition to a spinal tap.  They needed to rule out infection before they could release him into the "general population" section of the NICU and before they could begin testing for other causes of his throwing up and weight loss.  It was an emotionally and physically tiring day for everyone.  I was still recovering from my own surgery and sitting in an ER room all day made me very sore.  Brian and I were both exhausted from staying up all night with the boys and were drained from worrying about Bobby (and from seeing our tiny baby get a spinal tap) and also about how Jack would handle being out of the house for so long.  It was our first lesson in how to balance the needs of our twins. 

The family, waiting in the ER for a bed in the NICU  We were so sad to be there, but so happy to be finally getting some help for our Bobby.

Bobby under the warming lights in the ER.

We were under the impression that our entire family could stay with Bobby in the hospital in a family room because that's how it works at the hospital where I gave birth. It was a rude awakening to find out that not only could we not stay together as a family but there were no beds in the NICU.  So while we could visit 24 hours a day, we couldn't sleep there.  And we were told that Jack couldn't visit at all.  So we'd have to split our family even further for as long as Bobby was in the hospital...

Luckily the Jack part of this story turned out to be untrue.  The nurses even called for a portable bassinet to be placed at the end of Bobby's bed for Jack, so we could visit for hours at a time with little impact on him.  While it wasn't comfortable for us (the chairs they gave us were very uncomfortable and the babies were in one big room, not individual rooms!) we were all together as a family.  And that's what mattered most to us.

Seeing Bobby hooked up to wires was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced.  Leaving him each night was even harder.  Knowing he was there all alone while we were home just felt wrong.  Even though we'd only had him with us for a week, there was a huge hole in our family without him.  Thinking of his tiny body laying limply in that bed still makes me choke up and I hope I never have to see either of my sons in a similar situation ever again.

Our brave little love in the NICU.  At this point he didn't yet have the feeding tube in, but his hands were hooked up to IV's and his feet were hooked up to monitors.  And he was strapped down to the bed.  Heartbreaking...

If Bobby was affected by his hospital stay, we didn't know it.  He was such a brave little guy, hardly crying at all.  His large, deep eyes still looked around and he still loved to cuddle.  He quickly became a favorite of all the nurses on the floor and he had so many cheerleaders to help him along.  This, along with the sobering reminders all around us that things could be much, much worse (the children around Bobby were all very ill, many requiring surgeries, many may have since passed away...) helped get us through the almost two weeks Bobby was there.

In the end, it turns out that Bobby has a milk allergy, in addition to severe reflux which causes him to throw up after eating.  The milk allergy-which we hope he'll grow out of eventually-is treated by feeding him special formula, which is already broken down to help with digestion.  The reflux is something we also hope he grows out of, and is likely due to the fact that he was a preemie.  It's already gotten a little better, now that he's reached gestational "term", though he still has days when he throws everything up.  We give him Prilosec twice a day with his formula to help with the burn when he does get sick.

Bobby with his feeding tube.  This was put in while they conducted several feeding studies, including thickening his food, and testing for blood in his stool to see if he had a milk allergy.  They used the tube to feed him to get his weight and strength back up, and then later to feed him the "extra" food he couldn't finish by mouth.  It was extra heartbreaking to see him with the tube.

Our boys together in the NICU.  Jack was very unaffected by his visit and slept 99% of the time.  We later learned it was sort of illegal to put Jack in the bed with Bobby.  But you know what?  It was worth it.

See?  Totally unaffected...

I am happy to report that today Bobby is doing very well.  While he still gets sick now and then as I mentioned earlier, for the most part he keeps all of his food down.  He's steadily gaining weight (last week he hit 6 pounds!) and is starting to fill out.  His neck is still not as strong as his brothers due to the fact that he spent almost two weeks just laying down instead of being held up like Jack, but even that's getting better now that he's back home where he belongs.

I'm so grateful that nothing major is wrong with Bobby and that this is mostly all behind us.  I know that as a mother of twin boys, I'm very likely to see more of the ER in the future, but for now, I'm happy to have both boys safe at home with us keeping us up at night because they are hungry.

And, once again, we were struck with how amazing our family, friends and community are.  Many of you reached out to us asking how you could help.  You sent gift cards to help with parking fees and meals while we were in the hospital, provided us with homemade meals to reheat when we got home, asked if you could run errands for us and you even fixed our door, which blew off the boat the first day Bobby was in the hospital.  Most of all, you provided us with an amazing support system by checking in with us and asking how our son was doing, and making sure we were taking care of ourselves as well.  "Thank you" never seems like it's enough these days, and Brian and I will spend so much time in the future trying to pay your kindness forward.  Thank you...

Weight Watchers

Every mother and mother-to-be knows the pressure put on women to breastfeed.  These days it seems that people just assume new mothers are going to breastfeed their babies.  In my case it happened to be true that I was going to try to exclusively breastfeed both babies.  Insert all of the mutual benefits for mother and child here, in addition to the obvious financial ones too, and you'll know why I wanted to try.   I went into this parenting thing thinking that I'd be totally OK with it if I just wasn't able to, but in the end, the guilt has gotten to me.  Thank you society.  Thank you...

Here's how we got to where we are today, which is me no longer breastfeeding either baby, and only pumping milk when I can during the day to feed it to Jack:

As soon as I was able, my babies were brought to me for feeding.  Jack was dropped into my arms and the nurse asked if I knew what I was doing.  

"Um...in theory, yes.  Practically?  No."

So she helped, and it magically seemed to work.  And then Bobby came over and the same thing happened.  And all was right with the world.  I was going to be super breastfeeding Mom of twins!  Without much effort!  I ruled.

But over the next few hours, things became more challenging.  Every shift change brought a new nurse who told me to do something different and the lactation consultant had different opinions than them.  The babies didn't seem to latch on all of the time and after feedings they seemed hungry.  I was assured that they didn't need to eat much in the first few days, and to just relax.  A breast pump was brought in and I was instructed to pump after every feeding.  So I started breastfeeding one baby for as long as they would drink and then I'd switch to the other baby.  Then I'd pump for as long as I could stand it.  And by the time I was done, it was time to start over.  It was quite honestly, hell.  Especially during the early morning feedings, and especially because my babies were getting hungrier.  My milk hadn't yet fully come in so even though they didn't need a lot, they did need more than I could give.  This is when the guilt first began.  Not being able to give my children what they needed really made me feel horrible.  Still, I was told not to worry, that we'd still be OK.  The next lactation consultant recommended we begin supplementing with formula just until my milk came in fully, to ensure the babies got enough to eat.

And I believe this was the beginning of the downfall.  I think that if I had more help in the hospital (there was a major baby boom the weekend we were in the hospital, and the lactation consultants and nurses were overbooked.) I could have maybe gotten over the hump and I may have been able to breast feed at least one baby exclusively.  That said, we can't go back and change the past, and the day we were released from the hospital began to change everything anyway.

As you know, we were rushing to get out of the hospital so we could beat the blizzard.  We were rushing around, signing paperwork, packing bags, getting releases and making arrangements for the hotel.  We were also dressing our babies for the first time in clothes that were WAY too big (our babies needed preemie clothes for the first three weeks.  Surprise!) and dealing with massive amounts of spit up coming from Bobby.  Our little guy seemed to all of a sudden go from eating champ (he started out being a better eater than his older, bigger brother) to being a vomit rocket.  After every feeding it seemed that he threw up his entire bottle, and considering he had already lost weight (normal) and that he started out small (5# 4oz), I was worried.  Before we left the hospital I asked the nurse about it and she assured me that it was perfectly normal and that I should just hold him upright for a little longer after feeding.

...and so for two days, that's what we did.  But in my heart, I knew something was wrong.  At his checkup a couple of days later, he'd lost even more weight.  He wasn't looking well either.  He was pale and was starting to look sick.  Still, the doctor asked us to increase his intake (counter intuitive, no?) and to bring him back in a couple of days for another weight check.

Increased intake equals increased output.  Everything we put into our little guy seemed to immediately come back up.  He only seemed to be able to handle 10-15 milliliters without getting sick.  By his next weight check, he'd lost 15% of his body weight and was dangerously underweight.  The doctor on call thankfully was not as optimistic as our pediatrician, and she sent us immediately to the ER in the Boston Children's Hospital.  

Our sweet Bobby in his hospital gown in the ER

Going Home...Sort Of

...so there we were, a new family of four, packed and ready to go home for the first time...when we received a note from our friend Ahmet that we might actually not want to come home after all.  In fact, we might not be able to go home because the marina, for the first time in at least two years, might have to be evacuated due to the high winds predicted with the blizzard.  He suggested we book a room in the hotel next door, like many of our friends and neighbors just to be safe.  So we booked a room and made our way there.

The drive over to Charlestown was quite hairy.  The weather had deteriorated rapidly and everyone in the city was trying to get home before it got worse.  Traffic was horrible and our babies were in the back seat crying.  We'd heard that the mirrors you put on the back seat so you can see your babies were dangerous, so we opted not to get them...that caused us major stress.  Not being able to see if the babies were breathing when they were quiet was too much!  Yes, we pulled over on the snowy road to check.  Yes, we know this is because we're first time parents.  After this trip, we decided the risk was worth it, and we purchased the mirrors once the snow cleared!

Traffic

The ride home

Our bridge.  Almost home sweet boys.

Earlier in the day we received an email from the marina telling us that we couldn't park in the middle of the parking lot because of snow removal.  But by the time we arrived home from the hospital, all of the outer spaces were already taken.  Thankfully our dockmaster is cool and he allowed us to park in the main lot, even though we were in that restricted area.  After what seemed like hours (it actually did take a little over an hour to get home...it usually takes 15 minutes) we finally made it to the hotel.

Maybe it's because they saw the stressed out, new mom, we just drove in the car with two newborns and oh my God we're really parents, look on my face, we were upgraded to a suite. I'm not sure how we would have survived those first two days at "home" without a kitchen and living room to be honest. 

Welcome "home" boys...

Hotel Lobby

In addition to getting a suite, we were lucky enough to get a room that overlooked the marina, so we could periodically check to make sure our boat was OK.  (It was.)

So close to home, yet so far away!  S/v Just Married, in the middle on the left, just waiting for her family to come home!

The calm after the storm.  And before the next one.

I have to stop here and say once again how wonderful it is to live in this community.  Not only were our friends looking out for us by telling us about the evacuation, they were waiting for us when we got the hotel.  Within minutes, Brian had help unloading the car which was no small feat considering we ransacked the hospital and had several bags of groceries (thanks to my in-laws!) in addition to our duffel bags, the diaper bag and two babies.  They really helped make a stressful, overwhelming situation a little easier to bear.   

Thank you Ahmet, Walter, Jeff, Roxy and Dora...

Though the hotel was nice, we really just needed to be home.  Twins require structure and we hadn't yet had a chance to figure out what that structure was.  That first night on our own (without the nursery and nurses to help!) was rough.  Really, really rough.  It was the first time I wondered how the hell I'm going to manage this when Brian goes back to work.  (Which, by the way, is Monday!  Yikes!!)  When I woke up on day 2, I knew I needed to organize everything we had to make things run more smoothly when the boys woke up.

I laid out the diapers and the Vaseline packets (for their circumcisions):

I set up the feeding stations (Because we were in a hotel, we covered the surfaces to protect them from spit up):

 

and laid out the bottles and breast pump parts:

It did make things run more smoothly.  But we were still dumbstruck with how hard it is having twins.  And I wondered how it's legal to let new parents out of the hospital with twinfants without more training!  (And we both have always felt pretty comfortable around infants.)

Here are our first family photos:

...And finally, we were really going home!

The Day You Were Born: 1/23/15

Maybe you guessed it, or maybe you didn't, but on Friday 1/23/15 at 9:17am and 9:19am our twin boys were born via c-section. Needless to say, our lives have been forever changed for the better and we already can't imagine life without our little guys...

As you know, my pregnancy wasn't great. In fact, it was downright horrible and I never want to be pregnant again. So, on Thursday 1/22 at 9:45pm (yes, PM, after the day was already done!) when my OB called me and told me I have pre-eclampsia and asked, "How'd you like to have your babies tomorrow?" I almost yelled, "YES!". Instead I laughed in disbelief and looked at Brian and pointed to my belly mouthing, "TOMORROW!!!".

Nothing's boring with us.

Ever.

Especially because the boat wasn't ready yet, we were smack dab in the middle of projects and the boat was a disaster.  I mean, really, really disorganized.  And I didn't have the special soap yet that I was supposed to have for surgery.  So while Brian ran out to a 24-hour pharmacy to try to find said soap, I started tidying up as much as I could and double checked our bag. 

We didn't get much sleep that night.  We were due at the hospital by 6:30am but we were both up well before that time.  It didn't seem real, that after all the planning, swelling, throwing up, kicking, and anticipation that we were finally going to meet our boys.  And we'd be parents.

Holy shit.

To distract myself, I began taking screen shots of news sites to show the world as it was the day they were born:

A friend of ours also bought two Boston Globes for us.  Thank you, Jamie, if you're reading this!

The marina and city looked so peaceful when we got into the car, so I took this picture, that shows the date and time, with both in the background.  It's a little fuzzy, but I still love it.  Very "in the moment".

We were psyched when we got to the hospital and found a spot right up front.  Not that I was in active labor, but toward the end I was REALLY uncomfortable.  And also, we will NEVER be able to park here again.  So we did!

On the way in, I realized I never took a 36 week picture.  And that's another thing we'll never be able to do.  So I made Brian take one right there in the parking lot.

We checked in, I changed and they hooked me up to tubes.  Then I walked into the operating room and hopped up onto the table for my epidural.  YES, I really walked right in.  It was odd.  Very, very odd.  What seems like seconds later (but it was really 20 minutes) Brian was by my side and they were cutting me open.

And then what seemed like hour later (it was only a few minutes) we heard Jack.  He sounded like a duck.  Literally like a duck!

And two minutes later, Bobby arrived.  Sounding like a baby.  :)

Daddy and his boys in the operating room:

 

Introducing our boys to Momma:

Jack on the left, Bobby on the right:

 Later, in recovery, I finally got to hold them:

 

We stayed in the hospital for 3 nights, 1 night less than planned.  The weather was looking pretty dismal, and a blizzard was in the forecast.  Brian and I were really overwhelmed with the amount of people who came in and out of the hospital room, and the thought of having to stay an extra night because of the snow was just too much.  So we made it known that we'd be OK with being discharged early, as long as the boys were cleared to go.  They were, and so we began preparing to go home.

I shed my hospital clothes and dressed the boys in their going home outfits, including the hats I knit for them a couple of months ago:

Brian got their car seats ready:

 

Once everyone was packed up, we headed home.  

Kind of...