The NICU

We waited in the ER for 11 hours for a bed to open up in the NICU.  While we waited, Bobby had a series of blood tests done in addition to a spinal tap.  They needed to rule out infection before they could release him into the "general population" section of the NICU and before they could begin testing for other causes of his throwing up and weight loss.  It was an emotionally and physically tiring day for everyone.  I was still recovering from my own surgery and sitting in an ER room all day made me very sore.  Brian and I were both exhausted from staying up all night with the boys and were drained from worrying about Bobby (and from seeing our tiny baby get a spinal tap) and also about how Jack would handle being out of the house for so long.  It was our first lesson in how to balance the needs of our twins. 

The family, waiting in the ER for a bed in the NICU  We were so sad to be there, but so happy to be finally getting some help for our Bobby.

Bobby under the warming lights in the ER.

We were under the impression that our entire family could stay with Bobby in the hospital in a family room because that's how it works at the hospital where I gave birth. It was a rude awakening to find out that not only could we not stay together as a family but there were no beds in the NICU.  So while we could visit 24 hours a day, we couldn't sleep there.  And we were told that Jack couldn't visit at all.  So we'd have to split our family even further for as long as Bobby was in the hospital...

Luckily the Jack part of this story turned out to be untrue.  The nurses even called for a portable bassinet to be placed at the end of Bobby's bed for Jack, so we could visit for hours at a time with little impact on him.  While it wasn't comfortable for us (the chairs they gave us were very uncomfortable and the babies were in one big room, not individual rooms!) we were all together as a family.  And that's what mattered most to us.

Seeing Bobby hooked up to wires was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced.  Leaving him each night was even harder.  Knowing he was there all alone while we were home just felt wrong.  Even though we'd only had him with us for a week, there was a huge hole in our family without him.  Thinking of his tiny body laying limply in that bed still makes me choke up and I hope I never have to see either of my sons in a similar situation ever again.

Our brave little love in the NICU.  At this point he didn't yet have the feeding tube in, but his hands were hooked up to IV's and his feet were hooked up to monitors.  And he was strapped down to the bed.  Heartbreaking...

If Bobby was affected by his hospital stay, we didn't know it.  He was such a brave little guy, hardly crying at all.  His large, deep eyes still looked around and he still loved to cuddle.  He quickly became a favorite of all the nurses on the floor and he had so many cheerleaders to help him along.  This, along with the sobering reminders all around us that things could be much, much worse (the children around Bobby were all very ill, many requiring surgeries, many may have since passed away...) helped get us through the almost two weeks Bobby was there.

In the end, it turns out that Bobby has a milk allergy, in addition to severe reflux which causes him to throw up after eating.  The milk allergy-which we hope he'll grow out of eventually-is treated by feeding him special formula, which is already broken down to help with digestion.  The reflux is something we also hope he grows out of, and is likely due to the fact that he was a preemie.  It's already gotten a little better, now that he's reached gestational "term", though he still has days when he throws everything up.  We give him Prilosec twice a day with his formula to help with the burn when he does get sick.

Bobby with his feeding tube.  This was put in while they conducted several feeding studies, including thickening his food, and testing for blood in his stool to see if he had a milk allergy.  They used the tube to feed him to get his weight and strength back up, and then later to feed him the "extra" food he couldn't finish by mouth.  It was extra heartbreaking to see him with the tube.

Our boys together in the NICU.  Jack was very unaffected by his visit and slept 99% of the time.  We later learned it was sort of illegal to put Jack in the bed with Bobby.  But you know what?  It was worth it.

See?  Totally unaffected...

I am happy to report that today Bobby is doing very well.  While he still gets sick now and then as I mentioned earlier, for the most part he keeps all of his food down.  He's steadily gaining weight (last week he hit 6 pounds!) and is starting to fill out.  His neck is still not as strong as his brothers due to the fact that he spent almost two weeks just laying down instead of being held up like Jack, but even that's getting better now that he's back home where he belongs.

I'm so grateful that nothing major is wrong with Bobby and that this is mostly all behind us.  I know that as a mother of twin boys, I'm very likely to see more of the ER in the future, but for now, I'm happy to have both boys safe at home with us keeping us up at night because they are hungry.

And, once again, we were struck with how amazing our family, friends and community are.  Many of you reached out to us asking how you could help.  You sent gift cards to help with parking fees and meals while we were in the hospital, provided us with homemade meals to reheat when we got home, asked if you could run errands for us and you even fixed our door, which blew off the boat the first day Bobby was in the hospital.  Most of all, you provided us with an amazing support system by checking in with us and asking how our son was doing, and making sure we were taking care of ourselves as well.  "Thank you" never seems like it's enough these days, and Brian and I will spend so much time in the future trying to pay your kindness forward.  Thank you...