Winter ONEderland Birthday Parties

I've learned a lot over the last year, about my limits, my strengths, about being a parent of twins...and also when not to schedule a birthday party for those twins.  You know when not to schedule a birthday party for the twins?  On the weekend of their birthday, that's when.  Because these kids apparently really are blizzard babies.  And the snow their first birthday created made this past weekend a super fun, SUPER tiring one. 

So tiring, in fact, that I still don't have it in me to write a post to go along with the pictures I'm about to share.  Maybe I'll come back later and fill in the details.  Then again, I do have one year old twins...so maybe not.

First, in CT on their actual birthday:

This Saturday we threw the first real party for the boys, in MA:

And finally, Sunday the rescheduled party, back in CT.

Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate with us.  It means a lot to us.

42 Weeks Old or The End of Staged Photos

I hope you all enjoyed the weekly staged photos from weeks 1-41.  Because it's become perfectly clear that it's very unlikely I'll get both boys to sit still at the same time ever again.  Well, maybe when they're teenagers, they'll sit for a nice picture for me.  But until then?  Chaos.  It took me all day to get the photo you see on the left in this collage.  And just as soon as I snapped it, Bobby was out of the frame and Jack turned over to stand up.

Because that's what they do now.  They stand up whenever they can.  Walking, my friends, is just around the corner...

I bought these cute green sleep and plays a while ago, because it's the same one Jack wore the day we took him home from the hospital, and I just love it.  (Unfortunately the purple one can't be found in their current size, otherwise Bobby would be in the purple like he was before.)  And unfortunately they don't make this cute pattern in sizes bigger than 9 months.  Otherwise this comparison would have been made in January, when they turn one.

Shut up, right?  So cute.  Jack's on the left in both pictures.  I think it's amazing that he makes the same hand gestures now as he did back then.  Why does that amaze me?  I don't know...it just does.  Look at how much they've grown!  They were tiny babies...the pj's they were wearing in the picture on the left were newborn size...arms rolled up a few times, baggy.  We had to stop at the store one day to buy preemie clothes a few days later. 

My sweet boys.  I can't believe they'll be turning one soon.  ONE!  Time really does fly...

Halloween 2015

...sometimes I'm too tired to write a post...but I think these speak for themselves.

Trick or Treating on the docks

The Beach

Dear Babies,

Today you went to the beach for the very first time.  It was the first time your little feet touched the sand, the first time you splashed in fresh water and the first time you sat basking in the sun.

There's a lot that I could tell you about today.  But instead, I'll just say this-it was magical for me to watch your little faces change from confusion to excitement.  I loved seeing you dip your chubby little hands into the water again and again.  I loved seeing your adorable little feet kicking and splashing and I super loved hearing your squeals of delight when you realized that splashing is fun, and not scary.

You are my little troopers.  Always up for an adventure, always willing to try something new.  Always with smiles and laughter.

I hope you grow to love the beach as much as I do. 

Hard Days and Home

Sometimes, this all feels too hard, this lifestyle we've chosen. When we're all too tired but have to go out, and we run out of water or the diaper bag is deep inside the cabin, behind the laundry pile and a bin. Or when it's 95 degrees outside and it's low tide, and I have to walk 1/4 mile just to get to the car.

But then I remember what it was like when we lived in our huge 2 story apartment. And we had just as many frustrating days when we were both too tired but had to go out, and we had no hot water, or we couldn't get out of the apartment because of the snow. And there's always a laundry pile with all the things buried underneath it, let's be honest.

Frustrating, hard days happen.  No matter where you live.  And when you have 6 1/2 month old twins, everything is harder.  Everything.

Sometimes it feels like too many people are in the wings, just waiting for us to fail. Waiting to tell us, "I knew it wouldn't work" or "We knew you couldn't do it with the babies". And that sucks. And that makes the hard days even harder, because I know I can't tell anyone how frustrated I am at that moment. Because I told you so. Because you can't do this with babies. Because, because, because...

And it feels like we can't fail now because if we do, people will make us feel like failures. But the truth is, I think we would have been failures if we didn't even try.

Yesterday was a hard day.  It was raining and high tide wasn't until the late evening, so we stayed inside all day.  It was hard to remember those warm, salty days when it was just Brian, me and the wind.  It was hard to remember the sunsets and fireworks at anchor, and hard to imagine our boys scampering along the harbor islands, tan and sure of themselves on the water.  It was hard to imagine teaching them to appreciate the silence, the solitude.  The peace.

But today?  Today is glorious. 

Today is the kind of day that I thank God we live where we do.  And I know how lucky we are to live here, right in downtown Boston, literally right in the harbor.  As I type this post, our boat is gently rocking, the boys are napping and I remember why I love it here.  I remember that this is home.

Our "back yard" today.  Top picture: Sailboat races and the Coast Guard.  Bottom pictures: Our fair city.  Sadly the collage cropped out my favorite view of the skyline, the Zakim Bridge, which is to the far right on the bottom right picture.

Forever

There is no way I could possibly begin to recap the crazy wonderfulness that has been happening over the last two months.

The boys were christened.  They rolled over, smiled, laughed, and begin interacting with each other.  They babble all of the time.  THEY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.  Their little feet were dipped in the fountains downtown.  They went to the Boston Aquarium.  They swam in a pool for the first time.  We went on our first family camping trip.  They can almost sit up on their own.

They love: bouncing in their new jump-a-roos, fart noises (makes 'em laugh every time!), hearing mama sing, hearing and watching dada play the guitar, cuddling, television, being tickled, Green Eggs and Ham and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, playing with their crinkle stars, walking in the slings, hanging out in the cockpit, and eating books.

They hate: tummy time (when we put them on their bellies, not when they roll over on their own), peas (Jack), being put in the slings (the process), hand dryers in public bathrooms, the vacuum (Bobby) and sitting still.

People often comment that our boys are so good-natured.  It's rare they fuss or cry and when they do, it's because they are hungry or tired (or scared-see hand dryers and vacuums, above).  They usually don't even cry when they have a dirty diaper.  We know it's early, and there are many phases coming which will probably change this (hello teething!), but for now, we'll take it.  We feel very, very lucky to have such happy babies.

Not a day goes by without us looking at our boys with wonder.  They fill us with such joy, such pride...love in its purest form.  We made them.  They are ours and we are theirs.  It's only been 6 months, and yet, it's been forever.

Easter 2015

This weekend we made our way down to Connecticut to visit my family for Easter. We drove down after Brian got out of work on Friday so that we'd miss the rush hour/Easter traffic.  While we did accomplish that, we got there very late, throwing me off of my 9:30/10pm bedtime schedule.  Needless to say, I was very tired on Saturday!

Saturday a few members of my New York family came up to CT to meet our boys for the first time.  While I missed those who couldn't make it (due to rescheduling) I was very happy that my dear Nana was able to come.  She is one of my most favorite people and it meant a lot to me to see her holding my sons.  Especially because my Papa (her husband), whom Jack, our first born is named after, is no longer with us.

Here's a picture of the 5 of us on Saturday:

It was lovely to see everyone.  I missed going to NY this year for Christmas because I was on modified bed rest (really, just had to stay close to home and take it easy), so I haven't seen them in a really long time.  We used to see each other regularly, but life has just gotten in the way of that.

Saturday night my sister Christina (Auntie CC to the boys), niece Mariah and nephew Dominic babysat for Brian and I so we could have our very first date night away from the boys.  It was so nice to get away and reconnect.  While we share a very small space daily, it's become rare when we can actually slow down and have "us" time.  We went to the casino and had dinner, played some slots and had a couple of drinks while listening to live music. 

 

While we were away, the boys had a fun time.  Here is our sweet nephew Dommy playing with his cousin Bobby:

And our sweet niece Mariah cuddling with Bobby (they played with Jack too, he just fell asleep earlier.)

On Easter Sunday, I woke up with the cold that Brian and the boys had the previous week.  Luckily for me, there were lots of people to help Brian hold, feed and love the boys, so I was able to take a nap.  Before that, we ate lots of good food, played with all the kids and watched a very competitive egg hunt between my niece and my sister Lauren.  (My niece won this year!)

Here are some pictures of the boys all dressed up for Easter.  Sadly these outfits didn't last very long, and I didn't get a great picture of them together.  One of them always seems to be crying during group pictures!  I also have to do better at remembering to get a family picture...next time! 

Overall, a very busy and fun weekend with family.  I hope your Easter weekend was just as lovely as ours was!

Insanely Cute Feet

The sunlight hit Bobby's little feet so perfectly.  I tried recreating it with Jack's photo below, but it just hasn't worked.  I hope I can capture it at some point, because I really love Bobby's picture.

The sun may not have been as brilliant for his shot, but his little feed are still insanely cute.  I'm obsessed with trying to capture them so I remember them always.

The Rest

In the interest of catching this blog up to present day, here is the rest of our month, in pictures:

The first full day the Bobby was in the NICU the door to our shrink wrap blew off (on our way out to go see him) due to the extreme weather we had.  A quick email to our friends yielded a group effort to replace and install a new door within hours.  Best. Neighbors. Ever.

Scenes from this historic winter.  The water around our boats does not usually freeze this thick.

Jack had his very first bath.  He did not like it very much.  He didn't like the ones that have since followed, either.

My sisters and niece were finally able to come meet our boys.  And due to yet another snow storm with hurricane strength winds predicted, we spent a weekend in CT at my parents house, which doubled as a nice visit with family.  Since I wasn't able to travel after November and missed the major holidays, it was nice.

And when Bobby came home from the hospital, he received his very first bath too.  (They didn't bathe him while he was there!!!  Isn't that ridiculous?!?!)  He didn't love it, but he didn't hate it either.

We attempted to get newborn/family pictures taken on the cheap by using Target's photo studio.  Not only was it a rushed, confused photo shoot, but the girl totally messed them up and didn't listen to a word I said.  These are screenshots of the online gallery.  We didn't pay for anything (not even a sitting fee) because I was so upset.  And we have an appointment this weekend to have more taken at a different studio (that we used for our Christmas photo).  Here's hoping they come out good and the photographer listens!  These outtakes are pretty hilarious to me.

And now, I can focus on real time posts.  Until I fall behind, that is. :)

The NICU

We waited in the ER for 11 hours for a bed to open up in the NICU.  While we waited, Bobby had a series of blood tests done in addition to a spinal tap.  They needed to rule out infection before they could release him into the "general population" section of the NICU and before they could begin testing for other causes of his throwing up and weight loss.  It was an emotionally and physically tiring day for everyone.  I was still recovering from my own surgery and sitting in an ER room all day made me very sore.  Brian and I were both exhausted from staying up all night with the boys and were drained from worrying about Bobby (and from seeing our tiny baby get a spinal tap) and also about how Jack would handle being out of the house for so long.  It was our first lesson in how to balance the needs of our twins. 

The family, waiting in the ER for a bed in the NICU  We were so sad to be there, but so happy to be finally getting some help for our Bobby.

Bobby under the warming lights in the ER.

We were under the impression that our entire family could stay with Bobby in the hospital in a family room because that's how it works at the hospital where I gave birth. It was a rude awakening to find out that not only could we not stay together as a family but there were no beds in the NICU.  So while we could visit 24 hours a day, we couldn't sleep there.  And we were told that Jack couldn't visit at all.  So we'd have to split our family even further for as long as Bobby was in the hospital...

Luckily the Jack part of this story turned out to be untrue.  The nurses even called for a portable bassinet to be placed at the end of Bobby's bed for Jack, so we could visit for hours at a time with little impact on him.  While it wasn't comfortable for us (the chairs they gave us were very uncomfortable and the babies were in one big room, not individual rooms!) we were all together as a family.  And that's what mattered most to us.

Seeing Bobby hooked up to wires was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced.  Leaving him each night was even harder.  Knowing he was there all alone while we were home just felt wrong.  Even though we'd only had him with us for a week, there was a huge hole in our family without him.  Thinking of his tiny body laying limply in that bed still makes me choke up and I hope I never have to see either of my sons in a similar situation ever again.

Our brave little love in the NICU.  At this point he didn't yet have the feeding tube in, but his hands were hooked up to IV's and his feet were hooked up to monitors.  And he was strapped down to the bed.  Heartbreaking...

If Bobby was affected by his hospital stay, we didn't know it.  He was such a brave little guy, hardly crying at all.  His large, deep eyes still looked around and he still loved to cuddle.  He quickly became a favorite of all the nurses on the floor and he had so many cheerleaders to help him along.  This, along with the sobering reminders all around us that things could be much, much worse (the children around Bobby were all very ill, many requiring surgeries, many may have since passed away...) helped get us through the almost two weeks Bobby was there.

In the end, it turns out that Bobby has a milk allergy, in addition to severe reflux which causes him to throw up after eating.  The milk allergy-which we hope he'll grow out of eventually-is treated by feeding him special formula, which is already broken down to help with digestion.  The reflux is something we also hope he grows out of, and is likely due to the fact that he was a preemie.  It's already gotten a little better, now that he's reached gestational "term", though he still has days when he throws everything up.  We give him Prilosec twice a day with his formula to help with the burn when he does get sick.

Bobby with his feeding tube.  This was put in while they conducted several feeding studies, including thickening his food, and testing for blood in his stool to see if he had a milk allergy.  They used the tube to feed him to get his weight and strength back up, and then later to feed him the "extra" food he couldn't finish by mouth.  It was extra heartbreaking to see him with the tube.

Our boys together in the NICU.  Jack was very unaffected by his visit and slept 99% of the time.  We later learned it was sort of illegal to put Jack in the bed with Bobby.  But you know what?  It was worth it.

See?  Totally unaffected...

I am happy to report that today Bobby is doing very well.  While he still gets sick now and then as I mentioned earlier, for the most part he keeps all of his food down.  He's steadily gaining weight (last week he hit 6 pounds!) and is starting to fill out.  His neck is still not as strong as his brothers due to the fact that he spent almost two weeks just laying down instead of being held up like Jack, but even that's getting better now that he's back home where he belongs.

I'm so grateful that nothing major is wrong with Bobby and that this is mostly all behind us.  I know that as a mother of twin boys, I'm very likely to see more of the ER in the future, but for now, I'm happy to have both boys safe at home with us keeping us up at night because they are hungry.

And, once again, we were struck with how amazing our family, friends and community are.  Many of you reached out to us asking how you could help.  You sent gift cards to help with parking fees and meals while we were in the hospital, provided us with homemade meals to reheat when we got home, asked if you could run errands for us and you even fixed our door, which blew off the boat the first day Bobby was in the hospital.  Most of all, you provided us with an amazing support system by checking in with us and asking how our son was doing, and making sure we were taking care of ourselves as well.  "Thank you" never seems like it's enough these days, and Brian and I will spend so much time in the future trying to pay your kindness forward.  Thank you...