Hard Days and Home

Sometimes, this all feels too hard, this lifestyle we've chosen. When we're all too tired but have to go out, and we run out of water or the diaper bag is deep inside the cabin, behind the laundry pile and a bin. Or when it's 95 degrees outside and it's low tide, and I have to walk 1/4 mile just to get to the car.

But then I remember what it was like when we lived in our huge 2 story apartment. And we had just as many frustrating days when we were both too tired but had to go out, and we had no hot water, or we couldn't get out of the apartment because of the snow. And there's always a laundry pile with all the things buried underneath it, let's be honest.

Frustrating, hard days happen.  No matter where you live.  And when you have 6 1/2 month old twins, everything is harder.  Everything.

Sometimes it feels like too many people are in the wings, just waiting for us to fail. Waiting to tell us, "I knew it wouldn't work" or "We knew you couldn't do it with the babies". And that sucks. And that makes the hard days even harder, because I know I can't tell anyone how frustrated I am at that moment. Because I told you so. Because you can't do this with babies. Because, because, because...

And it feels like we can't fail now because if we do, people will make us feel like failures. But the truth is, I think we would have been failures if we didn't even try.

Yesterday was a hard day.  It was raining and high tide wasn't until the late evening, so we stayed inside all day.  It was hard to remember those warm, salty days when it was just Brian, me and the wind.  It was hard to remember the sunsets and fireworks at anchor, and hard to imagine our boys scampering along the harbor islands, tan and sure of themselves on the water.  It was hard to imagine teaching them to appreciate the silence, the solitude.  The peace.

But today?  Today is glorious. 

Today is the kind of day that I thank God we live where we do.  And I know how lucky we are to live here, right in downtown Boston, literally right in the harbor.  As I type this post, our boat is gently rocking, the boys are napping and I remember why I love it here.  I remember that this is home.

Our "back yard" today.  Top picture: Sailboat races and the Coast Guard.  Bottom pictures: Our fair city.  Sadly the collage cropped out my favorite view of the skyline, the Zakim Bridge, which is to the far right on the bottom right picture.